New York City

9-11-2001

I wake up today around 3:00pm wondering if my article is up yet... my GF, Carol says "To heck with your dumb article! the WORLD TRADE CENTER is gone!!!" I rub my eyes barely believing I heard that right.. What??? No way!!!!!!( She repeats herself and so do I). Then I hear the TV which is on in the background on the only station available, channel 2 (which ironically is usually unviewable from my TV which doesn't have cable.) I sit stunned as I watch the events unfold... a little disjointed since the coverage has no footage prior to the first crash and the news reporter sounds hysterical. I go on IRC to make sense of what I am seeing on my screen. There is an out pouring of concern, rage, fear, confusion, misinformation, accusations, condemnations, and political theory. This from a magic channel. I am moved to tears. I never cry. I haven't cried since I was a little kid. My eyes are wet! there are tears on my cheeks and I don't understand it. My city has been violated. Wrecked by insane fanatics. Planes falling out of the sky deliberately aimed to spread chaos and destruction. We are at war. I don't understand. I didn't attack anyone. I am devastated. I know people in those buildings. Not many but some.

A friend comes after getting my frantic message and comforts me for a while. Then I come back inside to see that the TV is reporting 200+ Firefighters and 76 or more Police dead or missing. The numbers are staggering. 3000 or more dead or dying. OK its TV they don't have hard numbers really they are guessing. Ive learned on IRC that some people escaped by exiting tower 2 from the 91st floor and down. Almost everyone who worked there got out they say. I haven't been in this kind of emotional agony in years. It really hurts. But I have no idea who did this. There is no one to claim the blame for ordering the well orchestrated deaths of thousands and the desecration of a landmark of my fair city. A symbol of power and capitalism and man's ingenuity. I am older than the Towers by a few years but I have seen them since I can remember.

My Paternal Grandma came to NYC once when I was 11 before she died right after the towers were finished. We went and had a day of it in the WTC. I worked as a messenger there for half a year while I was in high school. I have lots of cherished memories. It is hard saying good bye... it leaves an empty feeling in my gut akin to the gaping hole in the New York City skyline. Good-bye to all the people who didn't make it out. Good-bye to the hapless passengers of the airplanes come weapons. Good-bye to our sense of freedom from harm. I have feared the very thing that has happened, for years but haven't been able to articulated it until I awakened to the nightmare I now call my life.

I have a thousand questions and every time one is answered a thousand more spring up. I can offer none but the hope that we as a people retain our strength of dignity and pride. New Yorkers have showed their true mettle today rising up to the challenge before us by donating blood, time, money, resources, food, love, and sweat. I only hope the world takes from our example and helps us get through the darkness to the bright days beyond today.

The people I see out on my walk this evening are not cringing in fear, though some seem deeply saddened. They aren't the cheerful folk I am used to seeing but they are lighting candles for those who perished, next to the impromptu mural by Chico on Avenue A. The cops are out in force keeping traffic at bay but not everywhere. Yet the dealers are not to be seen on the avenues at all. Not even in the areas the cops are not. It seems that for once the city is united. Our differences forgotten. Our purpose one: Survive the night and get through the next day and go on living through this terrible time.

Peace & Love,
Paul Emerson Leicht